This is me inviting my Caucasian girlfriend over for dinner


Me: Mom, Dad this is my girlfriend [X]
Mom: ohhh wercome wercome
Dad: You hungry X? We have good chicken feet to eat.
Me: FMl……

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Me: Dad, i did good in school :D
Dad:Ha? Not good enap go tu room amd studi hAda! Why not you be laka de casin? Be good in skoo. Do good all youre dream cam true
Me:thats what she said…
Dad:Wha you say? Who she? Your gurprend? Is she de Agily gurl?
Me: No (trying to contain myself)
Dad:Why you look at wall looke me in face? Why you lap?

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on picking a correge:
me: well, nyu is definitely a winner…i think it’s my first choice.
mom: WHAT?! NYU?? what about bo-ke-le?? i mean, your life. you have choice. we financially support you if you go to bo-ke-le but you are completely on own for nyu – so you still have choice.
me: … – ___ -

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Mom:
This is what I can remember when you were young boy.
“ChenChen, don’t stay there (washroom) so long, you always go to poo and count this as piano hour!”

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“Dad, how do I get there?” Dad pointing behind me: “You go and you do, o” (Pointing his finger towards the window)

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• “When he (speaking of a female) first see him, his (speaking of same female) tongue was, how you say?”
• “Tied?”
• “How you say the tied?”
• “Tied!”
• “How you say the tongue is not”
• “Tied”
• “No, when the tongue is not”
• “Tied”
• “How you say the tiiied?”
• “Tongue Tied”
• “Okay, her tongue tied.”
  -Father repeating a story

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Dad
“Many of girls grow up earlier (it means older) about 3 – 5 years than boys and it
not a better choice for boy to find a same age or oldr female as his partner acoording
to Chinese FengShui’s balance”
Translation: Dad does not approve of my GF

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The footer from my Dad’s last “lecture” e-mail.
……..
Love,
Dad
P.S: I crected some mistakes for last draft.

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Everytime myimmigrantparents come back from the motherland, their suitcases are filled with 5000 boxes of green tea, 400 kg of ginseing, pirated DVD’s , and even pirated SAT prep books……..Somehow, they manage to get everything through customs.

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Upon returning from the grocery store, I put the bags on the ground to get my house keys out.
Mom: Don’t put the food on the floor! Dirty!
Me: They are in PLASTIC BAGS!
Mom: Germs can get through.
Me: No, they really can’t.
Mom: Still. Dirty.

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Classic…
Me: How can you say that? It’s so rude. So ignorant. I could be gay!
Mom: You aren’t gay.
Me: I COULD be.
Mom: You’re NOT.
Me: I c—
Mom: Not.

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Promise me you won’t marry a black girl.

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Promise me you won’t marry a white girl.

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The first thing your dad says after you come home from your first semester at College

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Disaster strikes when my dad gets an Iphone

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Don’t show this to your mom – especially if she falls under the Age 60-70 bracket.

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You have Chinese parent, will you be western father or 50% Chinese father in the future? You will be 2 easy for your kids I worry sometime.
Your Mom

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